


If There's a Prize for Rotten Judgement

by HalfnHalf



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, What am I doing, john is kind of obsessive but that's okay because dave loves him anyway, john loves dave too don't worry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-16
Updated: 2012-12-16
Packaged: 2017-11-21 07:15:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/594956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HalfnHalf/pseuds/HalfnHalf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You didn't mean to admit your love for your best friend. But you're glad you did.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If There's a Prize for Rotten Judgement

**Author's Note:**

> This is for Carter. Because Carter is cool.

You’re sat in a circle, staring at your friends (save Dave, because he’s off to do _something_ and you’re not even sure what it it is), looking them over, and sighing. “I don’t really want to talk about this, you guys. So _please._ Just. Can we drop this?” Your hands run over your eyes, and shit, fuck, damn everything, you really don’t want to talk about this, don’t want to think about this.

Your hands go to your side and they wrap around your waist and you’re trying everything you can not to think about him, not to think about the way he moves or his voice, or his eyes and god damn those gorgeous firey eyes, and you’re trying not to think about how he still wears those fucking shades you got him, and you’re trying not to think about how you actually are probably head over heals for this boy, and you hate it so much.

They’re staring at you. All eyes on you, Johnnyboy, spotlight’s all yours, and you don’t want it, just like every time it’s on you, you don’t want to be the center of attention and _why doesn’t anyone understand that._ Why can’t you just have one normal conversation, just one time. Because you don’t want to be the center of attention, not right now, not over this, especially not over this. Can’t they just leave you alone so you can properly freak out. Alone.

And you realize maybe you don’t want to be alone, because there is someone you want to tell about this, someone you’ve told about every single other crush you’ve ever had in detail, you’ve told them and they know. They know you so well and you know them and that’s why this is such a big problem because this time, it is them. And you can’t even say ‘this time’ because ‘this time’ has actually been the longest time, the longest crush you’ve had, ever.

It’s been years since you fell for your best friend. You remember when you first realized it, when you went home one night after you’d been so close to kissing, kind of one of those, “I have to go! I’ll see you later!” things. One of those things that meant, “I don’t know how I feel about this at the exact moment.” He smiled at you, and you know he was hurt, because you know he likes you, but you’re trying to say you didn’t like him, but you did, you do. 

Thinking about it, you’re pretty sure you’ve had it pretty bad for him for the longest time. And you mean that exactly how it sounds. Since a little after you started talking, since you became actual best friends, you figure you’ve always loved him, but then it slowly morphed. It became this weird _obsession_. And that sounds so wrong because _it is wrong_ , but you know you can’t live without Dave anymore, he’s like your morning coffee, he’s like your food, your drink, your fucking _air._

And you hate him _so much_ for doing this to you.

And you _love him so much_ for doing this to you.

“It’s Dave, isn’t it. We all know it’s Dave.” And Rose grins at you, and you’re so afraid of that grin, so afraid because how does she know everything and it’s so _frustrating_ how she does that.

You shut your eyes, and sigh. “It’s not. It’s not Dave, it’s not him, it’s not even a boy.” But you know Dave isn’t just some boy, he’s not just another boy, he is the boy. He is _the boy_ and not even just _the boy_ but he is _the everything._ It is him, congrats, Dave, you asshole, you’ve fucking won a John Egbert, take your prize and treat it well.

You wish you could actually tell him that.

“Who d’ya think you’re kiddin’? He’s the earth and heaven to ya’, try to keep it hidden, honey, we can see right through ya’. Face it like a grown up, when ya’ gonna own up that you got, got, got it bad?” And she’s actually fucking _singing at you_ , and it’s that song, and you’re going to scream, you’re going to scream so hard your lungs shrivel up and your voice goes hoarse, but you don’t, you just sit there, dumbfounded.

“I won’t say I’m in love.” And you humour her, you go along with it, you’re hoping maybe she’ll forget, maybe she’ll just let this all slide, maybe she’ll stop, maybe they’ll all fucking drop it, and you’re so hopeful, because you don’t even want to admit it to yourself let alone to everyone else, but at least Dave isn’t here just yet.

She rolls her eyes at you, and starts singing again, picking up where you left off. “You’re doin’ flips, read our lips, _you’re in love._ ” And she stares you down and you fucking crack, you hate it, but you crack.

“Alright, holy shit, fine. It’s Dave. Yes, me, John Egbert, is in love with Dave Strider, king of cool but actually really lame and such a dork and we’re both secretly in homos, but I can’t tell him that, I don’t know how to tell him that, so can we just fucking drop it, okay.” And you’re going to snap, you’re going to scream and shout and cry.

And then everything crashes. “What.” And you turn around and Dave has entered the room for that, he’s come back to you telling everyone you’re in love, and you’re crying, this is not how confessions are supposed to work, this isn’t it, but he just drops the bag in his hands and walks over to you, kneeling over and wrapping his arms around you. “You little shithead.” And that’s a lot quieter than his what, and you’re shaking and you’re confused but you’re so fucking happy at the same time, you’re so happy.

You two pull away from the party to go to the closet and talk-- this would be really funny if you weren’t so flustered and upset and happy at the same time.

“How long?” And you know what he means, you know exactly what he means, but you don’t want to answer, you want to stay in denial, even though him knowing means you could start a relationship and that actually _scares you._

The thought of being with Dave scares you. Because he’s so perfect and you’re just you, you’re just John, dweeby little John and you’re so worried that you’re not even good enough for him in the first place, because you honestly feel like you aren’t, or that you won’t be, or that you’ll get worse or something as the relationship goes on, and you know it’s not healthy, but you can’t _help it._

“John.” He says, and he’s not questioning you about why you’re not answering, he’s almost demanding an answer, and you let out a huge sigh.

“Awhile. Like.. A few years, awhile. Like, way too long, awhile. Should’ve confessed to your ages ago but was too scared, awhile.” And you sigh and he just pulls you in and kisses the top of your head, and you know he’s trying to take it slow, and that’s perfectly okay with you, because this is how you want it. 

 

A few weeks later and you find yourself really glad you played that game of truth or dare. Really glad he heard you confess, really glad you’re with him, really glad you wake up sometimes to him kissing your forehead, so happy.

You love how he tries to act like he’s the top dog, like he’s so dominant, when really even though you’re so nervous, you’re the one putting all the moves on him, and you love it, you love it so much. You also hate it, you think. But you love and hate everything of this relationship because you hate how you find everything about him so wonderful. You hate how you find a reason to love everything about him. 

But you love him so much.

**Author's Note:**

> I DON'T KNOW AHH BUT I HOPE YOU LIKE IT CARTER FLIES AWAY


End file.
